One year out

As October got nearer and nearer I thought about what would I do on the 20th, the first anniversary of my daughter Stephanies death last year at age 24. I wanted to do something, but a special event doesnt suit my personality, nor what Stephanie would  have wanted. My older son Tim has grieved at his pace only going to the cemetary 8 months after the funeral with his young family as a side trip. In my own manly manner I was not going to let a calandar day force me to grieve . I would grieve as the need arouse.

 But life doesnt always let us be such good planners. My sister called Sunday night and said she wasnt sure if she should tell me some news. I teased her and said, after facing Steph’s death last year what could possibly bother me now? She quietely told me that my 36 year old niece had died that day of an apparent drug overdose and like lightening from a clear blue sky my nice, neat manly plan to control the grieveing of my daughter came crashing down in a wave of tears and sobbing like so much heavy thunder, and I fell back into my seat. 

You would have thought after this past year through the waves of grief I would have learned that life isnt so simple and surely not controllable.  Come Friday I can at least offer my brother and sister in law a knowing ear and try to comfort them from one who  has lost a child. And that by itself, like our fathers group, helps us go on . Steve Robinson

Stephanie Robinson 2008

4 Comments

  1. Rick says:

    Steve, my deepest sympathies for you and your family.

    You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    I know what it’s like when powerful news or a tall wave of emotion opens the floodgates.

    This is hard work.

    And yes, you are uniquely qualified to comfort your brother and sister-in-law. That care and understanding will be a strong power of its own.

    October 20, 2009 @ 7:43 am

  2. David Domeshek says:

    I like baseball — and baseball metaphors — so what comes to my mind here is how, sooner or later, we’re all forced to learn how to hit curveballs. Of course when our kids died, that wasn’t just a curveball — more like a fastball to the head. But Steve, I think your neice’s death so close to Stephanie’s first anniversary is a curveball — and you realizing how you’re in a unique position within your family to be a “knowing ear” for them, that’s hitting a curveball.

    October 20, 2009 @ 7:50 am

  3. Steve says:

    Steve, I’m so sorry for your loss. Having spent some time with you over these past several months, I know you are a kind, compassionate person and I know as hard as this is for you, that you will be able to be there for those in your family that need your support. Please give me a call if you need anything…

    Sincerely, Steve

    October 21, 2009 @ 12:28 pm

  4. stevo465 says:

    thank you all. My sister in law and I , surprisingly, had long conversations. She was eager to talk about what was happening to her and what I had gone through. My black and white, all is controllable, brother didnt want to talk about it. All at the funeral realized the impact this was having us on me and the ex wife and were comforting.
    Helping my sister in law and surviving niece made the week more bearable. Steve R.

    October 25, 2009 @ 6:52 pm

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