Grieving At My Own Pace

As I’m grieving the recent loss of my father, I see how the grieving process is different among various family members. Susan, my wife, is grieving differently than I am, and it reminds me of the significant differences in how and when we grieved after Warren died.

I try to ┬átake a “no fear” approach to grieving. I’m honest and open with the pain and all that comes with it. Susan has a delayed reaction and a slower process approach, which she sees and acknowledges.

I saw this when our daughter was severely injured in a car accident several years ago, as well.

How would you describe the way you grieve? Whether it’s your spouse or another close family member, what’s different in how they mourn?

2 Comments

  1. Steve says:

    Hi Rick, Thanks for the posting … My 19 year old son died one year ago, and I guess I’d say I fit into your category … From the beginning I have read all the emotional facebook postings from his friends and like to have his picture around and talk with his friends and others about him as much as possible…I’ve also taken over a couple of his shirts and jacket that fit me….I’m comfortable wearing them……I’ve been able to control my emotions during the day (without any medication) ,,, however, even after a year I still have the need to cry ( usually on the couch late at night, in the shower or in the car…) For my wife, its really been too painful for her to look at his picture or deal directly with any of his belongings all year … at his one year memorial gathering last week she was able for the first time to look at a picture of him… a pencil drawing an artist friend of his made for us ….. as everyone says, there is no right or wrong way, as long as you just try and stay away from destructive behavior (excess drinking, etc…)
    Thanks for posting …. Steve

    October 13, 2009 @ 1:11 pm

  2. chris says:

    I find that I tend to suppress the emotions – because, as we know, men need to be the “strong” one in the family – and in the community. that’s how we’ve been programmed in our culture. I manage to control my emotions during the day – and with people. In fact many have commented on their concern for me not working through the grief. Little do they know the grieving persists constantly.

    When I find myself thinking about my daughter, Jessie, and feel the pressure build behind my eyes, the tears welling up, I quickly move my thoughts to more mundane topics to avoid breaking down. I’ve gotten good at this in public and at work – though I find it works its way even into my personal life. I have yet to find a satisfactory way to let myself go and allow the pouring out of emotions.

    I recently attempted to participate in a panel of bereaved parents and found it very difficult. The only thoughts that come to mind in these situations is: “THIS SUCKS!!” …and then i move on.

    Our daughter died 2 years ago in October. Halloween was one of her favorite holidays. She would dress up in her costume, we’d walk all over town collecting goodies, comment on other costumes, come home, cuddle up on the couch, sort through the bag…and we’d fall asleep in each others’ arms…I miss those moments most of all.

    October 15, 2009 @ 3:47 am

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