My name is Rick. My son’s name was Warren.

Greetings. I’ve decided to join you as a member of Fathers Forever, and I look forward to meeting each of you.

When talking with Craig and hearing him describe this blog, it reminded me of something I wanted very much to do after Susan (my wife) and I lost Warren in 1987. Between my being in the magazine publishing industry, my passion for it, and my great need and desire for pouring out my feelings and thoughts over the loss of our first child, I envisioned a magazine titled “Tides…Riding the Waves of Change.” I thought it would be good for me to write and good for others who experienced loss to read.

I was struck by something I saw at the end of a grief support group for parents like you and me. Susan and I went twice. The 14 or so attending sat in a large circle. At the end of the hour of discussion, mourning and tears, the last thing the counselor did was kick-out with her right foot a box full of books on the subject of grieving. As the box glided across the floor to the center, she invited us to help ourselves, and in a flash, half of the group pounced on the box. So many greatly yearned to read.

Over the years, I’ve read some, yet something in me prefers to write. So, I told Craig I would contribute regularly to this blog with some of the thoughts and questions that are as relevant today as they were 20 years ago, as well as with perspectives on the issues particularly keen to you in your ongoing walk.

Now it occurs to me, I never wrote anything to Warren. What would I write? Where would I begin?

“Dear Warren, my son, the only time I held you was when you were dying. You didn’t even live a few hours beyond birth. But my love for you lives on and always will.”

I think it will be good for me to finally write him a letter.

And so, as I gear-up for contributing to this blog, I wonder…

Are you more of a writer or a reader? Have you ever written a letter to the child you lost? If so, what was it like for you to craft it? What articles or books have been especially rich for you to read?

Again, I look forward to meeting you and to your comments and replies here.

3 Comments

  1. David Domeshek says:

    I’ve never written to Natasha (my daughter who died in ’02), but I’ve spoken with her many times. I find those conversations a bit like prayer — you have to be open to responses in unexpected times, places and ways.

    October 2, 2009 @ 11:06 am

  2. Craig says:

    As I’ve told some of the FFs, each year on the anniversary of Amilia’s death, we have a ritual of writing letters to her. We always need to find the web site that shows us how to fold the letters into paper boats. After dark we put small candles in the boats and watch first the boats and then only the bright spots from the flames drifting on the dark water and out of the cove. I don’t talk to her often; usually only when I visit the cemetary. Mine and everyone elses’ letters take up boths sides of the paper, as we tell her how we’ve lived and missed her, and wonder what she would be like, on Earth, had she lived. I very much appreciate our ritual, watching the boats drift out… the boats will drift apart, several together, apart, and all together, and move at different speeds, giving the impression of a guiding hand at work. The writing also moves me, thinking about Amilia in a deeper way,than the normal flow of day to day.

    Rick, thank you very much for sharing with us about Warren and for helping to move our blog forward… Craig

    October 3, 2009 @ 2:59 pm

  3. George Gorman says:

    We write to our daughetr Annie (who died 5 years ago, at age 11 from complications after unsuccesful surgery to correct a congenital heart defect) every Christmas eve and put those notes in Annie’s stocking, which is hung with ours and our other 3 children’s stockings. We save the notes and may give them back to to the children when they are grown, or some other appropriate time. I talk to Annie often, sometime in prayer, sometimes at random and when we visit her grave. It’s always comforting to talk to her….helps me sort things out.

    October 12, 2009 @ 6:16 pm

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